Just listened to Joquin's teaching on Maturing into Childlikeness, while running down Riverbend and watching the sun peek in and out through the landscape and rise over the dewy golden ladened grassy hills. The scene was so wonderful I had to stop and laugh at the beauty of it. And that is the first time in a while I just felt completely unstrived-for appreciation and enjoyment come out of me. And Daddy, I really feel like You are pressing it on my soul that I've been striving so hard lately – to do things and to be somebody for You. To be a big shot for You. I've been striving so hard – no wonder I've been having such trouble enjoying You. I've been all about the business of serving, even the business of enjoying you, instead of just enjoying You. Children wander and explore and play and taste and imagine. And in their own world they accomplish a lot – but to the ethics of our adult minds it just looks like useless, aimless prattle. But there is truth in it, there is purity in it, there is boldness in it. And in the kingdom of God – those who are spiritual children/warriors can learn useful truths from this childlike wandering. Furthermore, yesterday's lost bag scene shows me much too. A young child fears no evil naturally – and supernaturally if their Dad is there. They just don't see evil or danger. In the same way, yesterday all I had to do was truly look into Your eyes and see and believe that You were there and that You never take Your eyes off of me and You watch me and guard me all the time and there is no evil that I should suspect or be privy to be aware of. Fear no evil. I need fear no evil, for You always watch me.
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Daddy! Your MY Dad. MY Dad! MY Dad! When I see You, I'm looking at me too. You are my ancestry, my heritage, my blood, my DNA. What's Yours is mine. I am Yours. You delight in me. You pick me up and play with me, and fight monsters with me and wrestle with me. And You watch me, You love watching me. You fill with joy when You see Yourself in me. You chose me. And encourage me. You look forward to teaching me and reading me truths You have written and revealing secrets You have hidden. God, You enjoy just being with me. You look forward to it. You rejoice in it. I'm Your boy! I'm Your boy! And You are the King and Your kingdom is secure and I am secure and safe in Your dominion. I am encouraged to run and roam and explore and adventure – for Your kingdom hand protects me. Your gates are guarded. Your servants stay with me. And You – You Yourself keep Your eye on me, watch me, walk with me, “make Your stand with me, hand in hand with me.” You want me to look at You and want to hold You as if I were a young baby. You want me to be brave and talented and curious and explorative as if I were a budding toddler. You want me to learn from You, from Your lessons, from Your fireside stories, as if I were a young boy. You want me to begin to work with You, to understand things You understand, to begin to develop higher skills and callouses and muscles like You as if I were a maturing boy. You want me to mature and become my own personality and own man in You, and become adept like You, become Your partner, teammate, coheir, to govern with You, to counsel with You, to look like You, with You, in the spitting image of You as if I were Your own son come of full mature age. Daddy I pray that You would teach me more about Yourself through this.
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Daddy, for the first time I realized this world, these trees, rivers, mountains, skys, these are Your lands and You've given them to me to explore, roam, enjoy. You say “All You see and as far as You can walk are My lands; and so they are your lands Sean; what's Mine is yours.” You have shaped it and molded it and fashioned it and staked it with the mark of Your kingdom. And You've done it for You- just to create good, and You've done it for me- that it may be my playground – our place to be together and train, explore, and have fun. And like a giant sandbox You have hidden wonderful trinkets and secrets in nooks and crannies. Like Your palace gardens, You have designed spots in which I can learn of beauty. You have placed areas to challenge me and teach me adventure and risk and grit. But You know Your kingdom and You are with me. And because we are always together, Daddy – nothing can truly harm me. These are truths. And the part that astounds me Daddy is this: You look at me and say “All this that you see- these lands; are Mine, and its valuable and I am rich beyond measure. But you My son are My crowning achievement, and you are more valuable to Me than all of this by far.” (And that's important because when we, His children, were taken – we had already given His lands into the devil's hand- like when Esau sold his birthright. So the Father had to have something as valuable or more valuable than us to ransom us. His lands and other creations could not cover the ransom – 1.) because we gave their use into the enemies hands already 2.) because their value was not worth enough to buy us back. The only thing of enough worth and value to buy us back was Himself. And so He sold Himself for us, for me, His son. Thank you Lord! Teach me. Teach me. Teach me.
9/26/10
Oh Daddy! I'm beginning to understand- just beginning- to see that I am Your son. I'm Your son. I'm Your son. There is such a weight of love and favor and glory that is reserved for me, stored for me, prepared for me, waiting on me, watching me. Such power, such high calling, such responsibility – and yet in Your eyes all else pales in comparison – all else really doesn't matter compared to me being Your son, and You being my Father. Hell, You already gave me everything and I sold it all – like the prodigal son, like Adam, I squandered and gave it away and sold my birthright and forgot my name, forgot my Father, and remembered not the glory and warmth and love of His household. And I forgot my bloodline, my heritage, my royalty. I disbelieved and scoffed at my destiny. And I gave myself to common things, and the lowest dirtiest jobs, and to foul low addictions and pleasures, and lived in poverty and need and brokenness, and slept and ate with the pigs. But you called me back to You. You sent the wind of Your love to remind me of You like a foggy memory of a dream. And out of selfishness and pain I remembered the goodness of Your kingdom, and I started looking for the place they called Blessed and Provision. And while still away and broken You saw me - - - - and ran to me and embraced me. And You poured Your love out on me and I was reminded of the things of love, and then of love itself and what it is, and then of an old love in my life long forgotten, and then of Your love for me. Your love for me. Your love for me. That You loved me and love me still and will love me. Then You put Your ring on my finger; and I remembered and continue to remember noble and valuable things. And as I looked at that ring, I remembered something. I saw the mark of something – something powerful – something sacred – something ….. family! I remembered the beauty of family – the connection – the togetherness; and then I remembered that I had a family. A family. I had- have a family! I have a family. I have a family. I HAVE a family. I have a bond that cannot be broken. I have a connection deeper than time. Deeper than hate, than pain, than failure. Then I looked at the family insignia on the ring and I realized that was my finger it was on, and then I looked into Your face and saw – oh I saw in Your eyes – on my finger – I am Your family. I am Your son. I am Yours.
9/27/10
Oh my God. There is no one like You. You are the magnificent One; and yet You are my Papa; my Close One. All powers pale to Yours; all glory flows from and to You. You are the strongest, greatest, most worthy, and yet You call me Your son, Your child, Your friend, Your own. I am well favored of the King! I am beloved of the Mighty One. Your attendants watch me. Your angels guard me. You walk with me. This world is a safe place because I am Your son.
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